What WebMd actually says:

• Ocular migraines cause temporary vision loss or distortion in one eye, usually accompanied or followed by a headache. They are also called retinal or ophthalmic migraines. Ocular migraines are caused by a sudden tightening (or constriction) of blood vessels, which reduces blood flow to the eye. Most last under five minutes. Afterward, vision usually returns to normal.

What I actually read:

• It’s probably a big, giant tumor behind your eye. You’ll probably go blind in your left eye. You’ll probably have to wear an eye patch for the rest of your life. People are going to think you’re a pirate and you won’t find a job because people don’t want to hire pirates. You and your cat will have to live in a cardboard box on the street. Will you be able to get cable and internet in your cardboard box? Probably not.